Friday, December 17, 2010

Say Cheese

"Smile", she said
As the camera flashed
And she took a photograph
To hang on her wall
Never guessing all her pictures of them
Would become seasonal.

Pensive Bear

I've been thinking tonight..
A dangerous pasttime, I know.

I do really stupid things. And I don't think that makes me a bad person, I am just very careless.
Sometimes, I am inconsiderate.

I mess up.
Sometimes, I even think I am doing the right thing.
And later, I discover that I am so very wrong. But I'm too scared to admit it.
Not because I don't want to admit I'm wrong, but because I'm scared of what will happen if I do.

All it takes is once for me to realize it's wrong. And I don't need to get caught to know it.

My heart broke for the first time when I was 14. It was my own fault. It was horrible. I thought I would never be okay again. I prayed and prayed to feel whole again, to meet someone new, to be happy.
And months later, I was. Because when you're 14, and you think you're in "love", it feels like the hardest blow. But it's nothing.
Every time it ends, it feels inevitable. Like I was waiting for it. And while it hurts, and feels like the end of the world, I know it's a temporary end, and I'm only biding my time until the next beginning.

This time when I break my own heart, I don't see the next beginning. All I see is lost potential.

Quote of the day:
"Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers, you just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciate you."
- Audrey Hepburn